Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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