Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
