If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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