He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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