So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
