he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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