all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
