Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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