I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
