i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
