I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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