Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
