Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
