Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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