When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
