I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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