my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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