So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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