every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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