seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
