12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
