I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
