i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
