I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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