FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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