Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize