i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
