that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
