Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
