She is in my trunk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
