She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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