remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
