It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
