he wants to bone in the snuggie
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
