Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
