Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am midnight drunk by noon
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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