The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
