if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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