Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
