They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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