can we get nightvision for the apartment?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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