do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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