Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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