I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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