i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
