That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
