My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
