oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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