fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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