She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
