I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
