Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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