is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
