he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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