He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
