a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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