It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
