I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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