he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
