This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
