How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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