He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
