he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
